By Sammy, Knife in the Dark’s resident lunatic and certified horror-comedy sommelier
🎃 INTRODUCTION: WHEN TERROR MEETS TEQUILA
Let’s get one thing straight—horror-comedies are the only films that understand true chaos. They’re the drunk uncle at Halloween: one minute making you piss yourself laughing, the next making you actually piss yourself. And when you mix them with alcohol? Beautiful, disgusting magic happens.
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve choked on my drink mid-scream-laugh. So here’s my definitive, beer-soaked ranking of the horror-comedies that wrecked my sinuses and my dignity.
🍻 THE “I SPIT MY DRINK” TIER
These films are responsible for 90% of my nasal trauma
1. Shaun of the Dead (2004)
Why It Killed Me: The zombie pub crawl scene. The Don’t Stop Me Now beatdown. The fact Shaun’s life before the apocalypse is already a horror movie.
Best Beer-Snorting Moment: When Ed throws records at zombies and yells “Play something sad!”
Alcohol Pairing: A pint of lager (spilled, obviously).
2. Tucker & Dale vs. Evil (2010)
Why It Killed Me: Hillbillies screaming “We’ve had a doozy of a day!” while college kids impale themselves. Pure slapstick gore.
Best Beer-Snorting Moment: The chainsaw “rescue” scene. I died.
Alcohol Pairing: Moonshine (because irony).
3. What We Do in the Shadows (2014)
Why It Killed Me: Vampires arguing about chores. A werewolf named “Guy”. The cursed “Bat!” gag.
Best Beer-Snorting Moment: “Leave me to do my dark bidding on the internet!“
Alcohol Pairing: Red wine (in a goblet, you peasant).
🍺 THE “I COUGHED UP A LUNG” TIER
Still hilarious, but only 60% nasal damage
4. Evil Dead II (1987)
Why It Killed Me: Bruce Campbell’s face vs. his own possessed hand. The laughing deer head. The chainsaw handshake.
Best Beer-Snorting Moment: “Groovy.”
Alcohol Pairing: Whiskey (to calm your nerves post-laugh-induced panic).
5. Zombieland (2009)
Why It Killed Me: Bill Murray’s cameo. Rule #32: Enjoy the little things. Tallahassee’s twinkie obsession.
Best Beer-Snorting Moment: The banjo “For Whom the Bell Tolls” scene.
Alcohol Pairing: A Twinkie-flavored shot (yes, that exists).
6. The Babysitter (2017)
Why It Killed Me: Satanic cults with pep talks. A kid outsmarting murderers via “Home Alone” tactics.
Best Beer-Snorting Moment: “You can’t spell slaughter without laughter!”
Alcohol Pairing: Capri Sun (spiked, obviously).
🍹 THE “I CHOKED BUT IT WAS WORTH IT” TIER
Wheeze-laughs, but no ER visits
7. Dead Alive (1992)
Why It Killed Me: A lawnmower vs. zombie horde. Sentient intestines. A priest who kicks ass for the Lord.
Best Beer-Snorting Moment: “I kick ass for the Lord!“
Alcohol Pairing: Anything you can stomach after that custard scene.
8. Happy Death Day (2017)
Why It Killed Me: A sorority girl reliving her murder like Groundhog Day from hell.
Best Beer-Snorting Moment: Her progressively unhinged reactions to dying.
Alcohol Pairing: A mimosa (because basic bitches deserve fun deaths too).
9. Cabin in the Woods (2012)
Why It Killed Me: The entire third act. The merman. The elevator of doom.
Best Beer-Snorting Moment: “I’m drawing a fucking pentagram!“
Alcohol Pairing: Whatever the sacrificial interns were drinking.
🍾 HONORABLE MENTIONS (FOR THE WEAK-STOMACHED)
- Scary Movie (2000) – The “Wazzup?!” ghost still haunts me.
- Grabbers (2012) – Irish villagers get drunk to avoid being eaten. Relatable.
- Slither (2006) – Nathan Fillion vs. space worms. Need I say more?
💀 FINAL VERDICT: DRINK AT YOUR OWN RISK
These films are best enjoyed with:
- A sturdy drink (no glass bottles—you’ll drop them)
- Friends who won’t judge you for scream-laughing like a hyena
- A towel (for the beer you will snort out your nose)
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to rewatch Tucker & Dale with a fresh six-pack. RIP my sinuses (again).
— Sammy
Currently wiping beer off my shirt and cackling like a possessed jukebox.
🔥🎸 PS: IF YOU DISAGREE, FIGHT ME. BUT BRING YOUR OWN BOOZE. 🎸🔥
