by Sammy – 🔥 your patron saint of shattered guitar strings, bad decisions, and the art of crawling back from the abyss (with eyeliner intact) 🔪
🎸 SCENE: LAST NIGHT, PHILLY
The mic feedback screams like a banshee. My voice cracks on the high note in “Chelsea Hotel Heartbreak.” The crowd’s laughter is a serrated knife. I trip over a cable, land ass-first in a puddle of warm PBR, and for one glorious second—I consider quitting music to sell fake IDs in a Reno parking lot.
Then I remember: Lou Reed got booed off stage for Metal Machine Music. Divine ate dog shit for Pink Flamingos.
I get up. The smeared mascara isn’t tragic—it’s method acting.
💔 HOW TO FAIL LIKE A GODDAMN ARTIST
- BLEED FIRST, APOLOGIZE NEVER
- That demo that sounds like “a raccoon in a trash compactor”? Keep it.
- The gig where three people showed (and two were bartenders)? Bow like it’s Carnegie Hall.
- Failure isn’t the opposite of success—it’s the rough draft.
- WHISKEY & WARHOL KNOW BEST
- Andy said “Don’t think about making art, just get it done.” Translation: Vomit your soul onto the canvas and call it “punk.”
- My first band’s name was Shattered Condom. We played one show. The police came. I’d do it again.
- THE 3AM COMEBACK TOUR
- Step 1: Cry in a Waffle House booth (syrup is a healing balm).
- Step 2: Steal a lighter from someone hotter than you (souvenir + revenge).
- Step 3: Rewrite the song that bombed—but meaner.
🔪 SAMMY’S FAILURE HALL OF FAME
- The Time I Set My Hair on Fire (mid-solo, Cleveland ‘22) → Now it’s a bit.
- The “Acoustic Set” Where I Forgot All the Chords → Switched to spoken-word hate poetry. Crowd cheered.
- That Album Review That Called Us “A Crime Against Music” → Printed it on a T-shirt. Sold out.
🌅 REDEMPTION ARC? MORE LIKE RIOT ARC
You wanna “try again”? Good. Here’s your toolkit:
- A ego softer than a rotten peach (so the bruises don’t show).
- A spite tank on E (they said you’d quit? Write a concept album about their mom.).
- The conviction of a midnight street preacher (your art is the gospel now).
🎤 FINAL CHORUS:
The best songs come from broken strings. The best lives come from broken plans. So go suck again. Suck louder. Suck with glitter.
— Sammy
Currently drafting a love letter to my next mistake
🔪🥃 #FailLikeYouMeanIt #KnifeInTheDarkTourDiaries #WhiskeyAndWabiSabi
PS: If you see me crying behind the venue tonight, mind your business. Or buy me a shot. Your call.
