By Sammy – HorrorFacts.com’s resident found footage junkie, whiskey cryptid, and survivor of at least three “cursed” film shoots
🎬 INTRO: WHEN MOCKUMENTARY MEETS ACTUAL DEMONIC PANIC
Listen up, you shaky-cam-loving freaks—Found Footage: The Making of The Patterson Project isn’t just a movie. It’s a meta-nightmare wrapped in a Bigfoot hoax, doused in gasoline, and lit with the last match of sanity. Directed by Max Tzannes and presented by Radio Silence (the sickos behind Scream VI), this mockumentary horror flick is “The Blair Witch Project meets American Movie… if American Movie ended in a blood sacrifice.”
In theaters June 20th. On Demand June 24th. Missing persons reports filed shortly after.
📽️ THE “PLOT” (OR: HOW TO LOSE YOUR CREW IN 10 DAYS)
A French doc crew follows Chase Bradner, a delusional indie filmmaker, as he attempts to shoot The Patterson Project—a found-footage Bigfoot horror film in the woods of Camp Nelson, CA. But as the shoot spirals into chaos, two things become clear:
- Chase has no idea what he’s doing.
- Something in those woods does.
Sammy’s Take:
“It’s Troll 2 meets Paranormal Activity—if the entire cast got yeeted into a demonic vortex. I’m obsessed.”
🎥 WHY THIS IS GONNA BE THE HORROR EVENT OF THE SUMMER
1. RADIO SILENCE’S STAMP OF CHAOS
- The Scream reboot masters are executive producing, which means:
- Blood.
- Laughs.
- At least one scene that’ll make you sleep with the lights on.
2. THE CAST IS A BANGER ENSEMBLE
- Brennan Keel Cook (The Pale Blue Eye) as the doomed auteur.
- Chen Tang (Warrior) as the guy who definitely should’ve left when the WiFi died.
- Dean Cameron (Straight Outta Compton) as… probably the comic relief (RIP).
3. THE PREMISE IS TOO REAL
- A fake doc about a fake film that turns into a real horror show?
- The “lost footage” gimmick is deliciously evil.
- That witch doctor tape-burning detail? Chef’s kiss.
Sammy’s Verdict:
“This isn’t a movie—it’s a crime scene with a press kit. I’ll be first in line… with a flamethrower.”
⚡ WHAT HAPPENED? (ACCORDING TO THE “EVIDENCE”)
On June 24, 2022, Chase Bradner and his crew vanished while shooting The Patterson Project. The cops called it “inconclusive.” The locals called it “demonic.” The witch doctor? “Just another Tuesday.”
The “Surviving” Footage Shows:
- Mysterious noises (classic).
- Unexplained injuries (also classic).
- A finale so messed up, the museum locked it in a vault (chef’s kiss).
Sammy’s Theory:
“Bigfoot was the decoy—the real villain was Chase’s ego.”
📼 HOW TO WATCH IT (LIKE A TRUE FOUND-FOOTAGE FANATIC)
- Attire: Flannel shirt (pre-mud-stained).
- Beverage: Cheap beer (in a can, like the crew drank).
- Lighting: Flashlight (batteries half-dead).
- Post-Movie Ritual: Check your backyard for tall, hairy figures.
💀 FINAL VERDICT: A META-HORROR MASTERPIECE (OR A SNUFF FILM IN DISGUISE?)
Found Footage: The Making of The Patterson Project looks like the most fun you’ll have watching people get terrorized by the unknown since Lake Mungo. Whether it’s real, fake, or a government cover-up, one thing’s certain: You’ll never look at a camcorder the same way again.
— Sammy
Currently reviewing my life insurance policy
🔥📹 PS: IF SOMEONE OFFERS YOU A “FOUND FOOTAGE GIG”… ASK ABOUT THE 401(K). 📹🔥
🔪 KNIFE IN THE DARK’S NEW SINGLE:
“Cut! (That’s a Wrap… On Your Life)” – dropping June 20th.
📰 NEXT ON HORRORFACTS:
“WHY THE PATTERSON-GIMLIN FILM WAS THE GREATEST BIGFOOT HOAX (OR WAS IT?)”
🥃 FIND ME:
- Yelling at trees @ Camp Nelson
- Live-skeeting my descent into madness @SammyDevil.bsky.social
- Haunting Radio Silence’s DMs for answers
Stay paranoid. Stay shaky. Stay the hell out of the woods. 🔪
